Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

melancholy and the infinite sadness

There are times in life where you are so simultaneously antsy and immobile that there seems nothing to do other than wax poetic to your laptop.

For the sake of order, I feel it necessary to apologize for my lack of posts over the past few months. Intercontinental travel, changing jobs and moving three times in 4 weeks takes a toll...no excuses though, I just haven't taken the time to sit and write. And I need to...since this blog is here for me after all :)

That being said, this is also "National Write a Novel Month" or something like that. Interesting concept, and I forgot it was until the 4th and by then I was already 4 days behind. Woah, this post is already chock full of BS and I haven't even started yet...

WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG:

There are times in life where you are so simultaneously antsy and immobile that there seems nothing to do other than wax poetic to your laptop.

I'm sitting here at 10pm and it feels like 3am. This has felt like the longest week ever and not because of work. A good friend of mine died in a scooter accident last week and I have spent a lot of time thinking about (and trying not to think about) everything having to do with it.

What does this mean?!
What am I doing with my life?!
What really matters?!
What do I really want, and am I focused on attaining it?!
Other things with exclamations and questions!?

sometimes it is so hard to laugh in the face of tragedy, and sometimes there is no other choice

one thing is for sure, I am so glad for what I have, and I love my friends and family.

...Sh*t I guess that's two things....


Song of the Day: See You Again by Mylie Cyrus
I love you Crystal - you are, and will continue to be, missed.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Stay Young. Stay Foolish.

Words of wisdom from Steve Jobs:

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Song of the Day: Lonesome Day by Bruce Springsteen