I am being insolent to myself. I don't want to go to sleep and yet the only person this sleep deprivation ultimately hurts is me. I don't know why I'm having a battle against myself. Here are things that would be such a better usage of my time other than figuring out my next scrabulous move...
Resume - I need to apply for an opening at work and this is a key component
Papers - I'm doing some major housekeeping, and getting rid of papers feels great
Clothing - A friend just gave me some nice clothes that no longer fit so I could be putting those away
Misc Crafts - I have a poster to put together, a few paintings to do, and I need to get my art supplies organized
Small moving - I got some furniture from a (different) friend, and need to move out my bedside tables and move that one in
Selling - There is a bunch of stuff I have to sell but first I need to take a digital photo and then post it
Yoga - ok, so I wouldn't be doing that right now, but if I was asleep I would get up early and go to class...I decided a few hours ago this wasn't happening
Writing - I could be creating something more coherent such as an essay, diatribe or other such subject-driven works plus I have a few letters/postcards to write and send
How can you revolt against yourself? Does it even accomplish anything other making yourself more behind in the long run?
Song of the Day - Under the Milky Way by The Church
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
An open letter for Hokie Nation
I wrote this earlier today and sent it out via email to my fellow Hokies. However, I have decided to post it on here in the hopes that it may provide some small comfort for those who happen upon it that I don't know. GO HOKIES. We will prevail.
To my fellow Hokies,
While I'm not sure that my bumbling words have the ability to bring to you any comfort, I feel that today of all days it is important to reach out to the members of Hokie Nation and offer a greeting; a virtual hug, hello, and smile to those in my Hokie Family.
It was one year ago today that our University, as we knew it, was launched into the worldwide spotlight as a place of horror and tragedy. Thinking back on the day and ensuing weeks I am reminded of the flood of emotions that hit me, and continue to shape my memories and actions. Disbelief, fear, relief, sadness, loss, and pride are some that come to mind.
Disbelief that this could happen at a place I so cherish and venerate. The campus of Virginia Tech is in my memory as one of the best places in the world - how could this be happening there? As the death toll continued to climb, I couldn't believe that this was the same place that I love, that these were students and teachers going about their business in the same way since I was there.
Fear that strangers would no longer think of my Alma Mater as a great research institution, football powerhouse, or producer of some of the most well-rounded and good people I know. That we would be known as the place of tragedy and loss. Blacksburg is so much more than a place of sadness and breaking headlines.
Relief that it was not I who was there. Part of the tragedy of the day is the loss of so many hopeful, wonderful lives of people who were no different than you or I. It very easily could have been us sitting in that classroom, and the best I can do to honor those who have passed away is to to value the life I have, and be glad for every day that I am here.
Sadness that this happened at all. Death is never welcome, but for that inevitable end to occur through such senseless and wasteful means makes me feel something more numbing than sadness. The incomprehensible slaughter of innocent people, of my Hokie Family, is not something that will soon leave me, if ever.
Loss for those thirty-two people. Think about how many lives you touch, of how many ways you interact with the world around you. Now imagine the impact if you erase your piece of light from the world, and multiply that loss by 32. I feel as though there is a hole in the fabric of Hokie Nation. We cannot let that hole define us, yet nor should we ignore it. It is now part of who we are, of who we will be moving forward, and we need recognize and remember that loss that it may inspire us to be better. Let us make up for that hole by shining a littler brighter ourselves.
Pride in my fellow Hokies. As I watched every bit of coverage, and read every possible online article for all my waking hours the entire week following April 16th of last year, I was incredibly touched and proud of the students on campus. In the maelstrom of media that descended upon the sanctity of their campus, they conducted themselves with poise and grace. I can remember watching CNN, I think Larry King Live, and Larry was trying to get an inkling of blame; a scapegoat to create a bigger story - and every student interviewed placed no blame, and instead focused on the tragic, unpredictable nature of the event, and the healing that was needed to move forward. At one point I remember pumping my first in the air triumphantly and rather loudly exclaiming "I F'ING LOVE HOKIES!". At more than 2,500 miles away, these students brought me comfort. They were a glimpse into the current Virginia Tech life and they brought me happiness when I needed it most. If these are the people of our future, I very much look forward to tomorrow.
In the past year, I have worn Virginia Tech logo gear with greater pride than ever. I have hardly taken my ring off, and haven't taken it off at all since I forgot it at home the day of the BC game (yes, really, I'm still not over that) - I wear it to sleep, shower, play sports, go to the beach, etc. All times when I would have previously removed it, and I think about those 32 when I would normally take it off. I figure the least I can do is wear my ring when 32 people no longer even have the ability to do that. My tan line serves as a memory in their honor.
In the days and weeks following April 16, 2007 I was hugged by more random strangers in VT gear - and it was wonderful and says more about the common loss we all feel than my few words will ever be able to properly articulate.
So, I offer this to you, my fellow Hokies - keep the memory of our 32 lost in your heart, and use it to make yourself stronger and the world around you better. Greet others wearing VT Hokie gear with a "Go Hokies!" regardless of where you are or whether you are wearing any yourself. And on every April 16th, give your fellow Hokies a hug, even if you don't yet know them. It will mean so much to you both.
I hope you are all doing well in your respective parts of the world, and my thoughts are with you today.
BIG HUG (if only the warmth of a hug was able to properly be conveyed via internet)
To my fellow Hokies,
While I'm not sure that my bumbling words have the ability to bring to you any comfort, I feel that today of all days it is important to reach out to the members of Hokie Nation and offer a greeting; a virtual hug, hello, and smile to those in my Hokie Family.
It was one year ago today that our University, as we knew it, was launched into the worldwide spotlight as a place of horror and tragedy. Thinking back on the day and ensuing weeks I am reminded of the flood of emotions that hit me, and continue to shape my memories and actions. Disbelief, fear, relief, sadness, loss, and pride are some that come to mind.
Disbelief that this could happen at a place I so cherish and venerate. The campus of Virginia Tech is in my memory as one of the best places in the world - how could this be happening there? As the death toll continued to climb, I couldn't believe that this was the same place that I love, that these were students and teachers going about their business in the same way since I was there.
Fear that strangers would no longer think of my Alma Mater as a great research institution, football powerhouse, or producer of some of the most well-rounded and good people I know. That we would be known as the place of tragedy and loss. Blacksburg is so much more than a place of sadness and breaking headlines.
Relief that it was not I who was there. Part of the tragedy of the day is the loss of so many hopeful, wonderful lives of people who were no different than you or I. It very easily could have been us sitting in that classroom, and the best I can do to honor those who have passed away is to to value the life I have, and be glad for every day that I am here.
Sadness that this happened at all. Death is never welcome, but for that inevitable end to occur through such senseless and wasteful means makes me feel something more numbing than sadness. The incomprehensible slaughter of innocent people, of my Hokie Family, is not something that will soon leave me, if ever.
Loss for those thirty-two people. Think about how many lives you touch, of how many ways you interact with the world around you. Now imagine the impact if you erase your piece of light from the world, and multiply that loss by 32. I feel as though there is a hole in the fabric of Hokie Nation. We cannot let that hole define us, yet nor should we ignore it. It is now part of who we are, of who we will be moving forward, and we need recognize and remember that loss that it may inspire us to be better. Let us make up for that hole by shining a littler brighter ourselves.
Pride in my fellow Hokies. As I watched every bit of coverage, and read every possible online article for all my waking hours the entire week following April 16th of last year, I was incredibly touched and proud of the students on campus. In the maelstrom of media that descended upon the sanctity of their campus, they conducted themselves with poise and grace. I can remember watching CNN, I think Larry King Live, and Larry was trying to get an inkling of blame; a scapegoat to create a bigger story - and every student interviewed placed no blame, and instead focused on the tragic, unpredictable nature of the event, and the healing that was needed to move forward. At one point I remember pumping my first in the air triumphantly and rather loudly exclaiming "I F'ING LOVE HOKIES!". At more than 2,500 miles away, these students brought me comfort. They were a glimpse into the current Virginia Tech life and they brought me happiness when I needed it most. If these are the people of our future, I very much look forward to tomorrow.
In the past year, I have worn Virginia Tech logo gear with greater pride than ever. I have hardly taken my ring off, and haven't taken it off at all since I forgot it at home the day of the BC game (yes, really, I'm still not over that) - I wear it to sleep, shower, play sports, go to the beach, etc. All times when I would have previously removed it, and I think about those 32 when I would normally take it off. I figure the least I can do is wear my ring when 32 people no longer even have the ability to do that. My tan line serves as a memory in their honor.
In the days and weeks following April 16, 2007 I was hugged by more random strangers in VT gear - and it was wonderful and says more about the common loss we all feel than my few words will ever be able to properly articulate.
So, I offer this to you, my fellow Hokies - keep the memory of our 32 lost in your heart, and use it to make yourself stronger and the world around you better. Greet others wearing VT Hokie gear with a "Go Hokies!" regardless of where you are or whether you are wearing any yourself. And on every April 16th, give your fellow Hokies a hug, even if you don't yet know them. It will mean so much to you both.
I hope you are all doing well in your respective parts of the world, and my thoughts are with you today.
BIG HUG (if only the warmth of a hug was able to properly be conveyed via internet)
Remembering April 16, 2007
It was one year ago today that my beloved university was launched from merely being my favorite place in the world to being the place of the worst school shooting in history. While the shock and disbelief of seeing safe and secure Blacksburg put on the global map as a place of violence never really goes away, one year later my greater concern is how to properly remember and celebrate the 32 Hokies who lost their lives doing nothing more than living their lives and trying to further their education.
32 is a really big number, especially when you think in terms of people, and lives, and it becomes overwhelming when you try to include the number of people those lives touch, or touched. If you had full cars of 4 people, it would be an 8 car pile-up. It's one person shy of 3 soccer teams. It's 3 years older than I am right now.
I am still overwhelmed by how much space is taken up on the Drillfield by the memorial. Standing there and seeing the physical representation of 32 people is not soon forgotten.
How to honor these Hokies? If you took a minute of silence for each person, it would take more than half an hour. If you decided to celebrate each person for a day, it would take more than a month to recognize everyone. And yet neither of those seem to be enough.
On an average day I can easily recall certain people that stood out to me, but even now as I scroll over the smiling photos on the page of remembrance I see faces and names I don't quite remember, but want to - especially today. It makes sense that we have a closer connection to those who have a shared experience; the same major, the same name, the same clubs at school, from the same state, the same country of origin, or some other snippet of their biography in which we see ourselves.
The truth is that the victims are a fairly accurate sampling of the Virginia Tech student and faculty body. They are the every person, and part of the horror of April 16th 2007 is that it could have very well been me, or you, sitting in one of those classrooms. And this 'average person' is part of what adds to the magnitude of the tragedy.
While I personally feel violated by what happened at my school, my true sadness is for the loss of life of 32 members of my Hokie family. People who were doing nothing more than trying to improve their lives and the lives of those they were teaching. Hokies I will never get to meet at an alumni event, who will never again cheer until they lose their voice at a football game. Hokies who will never get to make great discoveries and contributions in their field or career. Hokies who will never again volunteer to help those less fortunate.
Looking upon the bright smiling photos of those lost, I make a promise to myself; in the words of Lincoln, "that these dead shall not have died in vain". That I will learn to appreciate my life while I have it, for it may unexpectedly come to an end. More importantly, that I work a little harder to make the world around me better - with 32 less Hokies to contribute, I'm sure extra effort is needed.
We will prevail. We are Virginia Tech.
GO HOKIES!
32 is a really big number, especially when you think in terms of people, and lives, and it becomes overwhelming when you try to include the number of people those lives touch, or touched. If you had full cars of 4 people, it would be an 8 car pile-up. It's one person shy of 3 soccer teams. It's 3 years older than I am right now.
I am still overwhelmed by how much space is taken up on the Drillfield by the memorial. Standing there and seeing the physical representation of 32 people is not soon forgotten.
How to honor these Hokies? If you took a minute of silence for each person, it would take more than half an hour. If you decided to celebrate each person for a day, it would take more than a month to recognize everyone. And yet neither of those seem to be enough.
On an average day I can easily recall certain people that stood out to me, but even now as I scroll over the smiling photos on the page of remembrance I see faces and names I don't quite remember, but want to - especially today. It makes sense that we have a closer connection to those who have a shared experience; the same major, the same name, the same clubs at school, from the same state, the same country of origin, or some other snippet of their biography in which we see ourselves.
The truth is that the victims are a fairly accurate sampling of the Virginia Tech student and faculty body. They are the every person, and part of the horror of April 16th 2007 is that it could have very well been me, or you, sitting in one of those classrooms. And this 'average person' is part of what adds to the magnitude of the tragedy.
While I personally feel violated by what happened at my school, my true sadness is for the loss of life of 32 members of my Hokie family. People who were doing nothing more than trying to improve their lives and the lives of those they were teaching. Hokies I will never get to meet at an alumni event, who will never again cheer until they lose their voice at a football game. Hokies who will never get to make great discoveries and contributions in their field or career. Hokies who will never again volunteer to help those less fortunate.
Looking upon the bright smiling photos of those lost, I make a promise to myself; in the words of Lincoln, "that these dead shall not have died in vain". That I will learn to appreciate my life while I have it, for it may unexpectedly come to an end. More importantly, that I work a little harder to make the world around me better - with 32 less Hokies to contribute, I'm sure extra effort is needed.
We will prevail. We are Virginia Tech.
GO HOKIES!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
PS
So for all my gloating in my previous blog when I went to post it, I didn't actually get to post it because my free wi-fi failed. I suppose I should have written in first and THEN tried to find a connection to blogger rather than just typing it into the browser (but don't worry I saved it!)
Monday, April 7, 2008
The beauty of stealing internet
As I sit here in a park in Lahaina, Maui I wonder two things; 1 - why don't I live here? and 2 - How amazing is it that from this park bench I can poach internet access?!
The past few days I have been staying at the Waikaoloa Hilton on the Big Island (to cheer on friends in the Lavaman Triathlon) which is a fancy-schmancy resort that is pretty far removed from any other civilization. It's like Disney World, without the characters or fun rides. The thing is, you have to pay for EVERYTHING there. Internet is $6 per hour (discounts for more time, but still!) - all the restaurants cost much more than regular Hawaii ($4+ bagel and cream cheese anyone?) and even the shopping center grocery store is over-priced.
Unless you have an exorbitant amount of money, it seems completely ridiculous to me that you have to pay MORE when you are already paying to stay somewhere nice...whereas a basic hotel/motel almost always comes with free wi-fi these days. Even this bench along the wharf in Lahaina comes with free wi-fi.
SO I wondered - who are these people that stay here? Or do they just plan that cost into their vacation costs? If I was actually in Disney would I pay for wi-fi? (I am more forgiving of Disney World because I love it :)) I am willing to eat at the restaurants there with the argument that it is part of the experience; was it because I am doing this vacation on the cheap (we got the lavaman discount hotel rate) that it seems so ridiculous to me?
Maybe the cost of wi-fi is more that the actual cost from your pocketbook. Rather than chatting up locals or wandering around taking photos (which I am actually about to do in a bit) I am biding my time waiting for the Lanai Ferry by 'playing on my computer'...although I would like to argue that writing, while time-consuming, is not a bad way to pass the time. And just because it is on a computer rather than in a notebook should not make it more or less valuable. Plus I can luckily type without looking at the screen, so if anything I can argue that I am actually 'seeing' more than if I was writing in a notebook.
[For instance right now I am watching the ferry unload. It makes me wonder if these are the types of people I will be seeing more of in Lanai because I highly doubt those on Maui have gone and come back already at this hour in the morning (it is not even noon yet) - as a side note, can babies go in the sun? I mean, I guess they can but it seems weird to me.]
Just because something is more expensive does that mean it is actually worth more? At what point does price have nothing to do with value? And how many more purses does Paris Hilton need anyway?
The past few days I have been staying at the Waikaoloa Hilton on the Big Island (to cheer on friends in the Lavaman Triathlon) which is a fancy-schmancy resort that is pretty far removed from any other civilization. It's like Disney World, without the characters or fun rides. The thing is, you have to pay for EVERYTHING there. Internet is $6 per hour (discounts for more time, but still!) - all the restaurants cost much more than regular Hawaii ($4+ bagel and cream cheese anyone?) and even the shopping center grocery store is over-priced.
Unless you have an exorbitant amount of money, it seems completely ridiculous to me that you have to pay MORE when you are already paying to stay somewhere nice...whereas a basic hotel/motel almost always comes with free wi-fi these days. Even this bench along the wharf in Lahaina comes with free wi-fi.
SO I wondered - who are these people that stay here? Or do they just plan that cost into their vacation costs? If I was actually in Disney would I pay for wi-fi? (I am more forgiving of Disney World because I love it :)) I am willing to eat at the restaurants there with the argument that it is part of the experience; was it because I am doing this vacation on the cheap (we got the lavaman discount hotel rate) that it seems so ridiculous to me?
Maybe the cost of wi-fi is more that the actual cost from your pocketbook. Rather than chatting up locals or wandering around taking photos (which I am actually about to do in a bit) I am biding my time waiting for the Lanai Ferry by 'playing on my computer'...although I would like to argue that writing, while time-consuming, is not a bad way to pass the time. And just because it is on a computer rather than in a notebook should not make it more or less valuable. Plus I can luckily type without looking at the screen, so if anything I can argue that I am actually 'seeing' more than if I was writing in a notebook.
[For instance right now I am watching the ferry unload. It makes me wonder if these are the types of people I will be seeing more of in Lanai because I highly doubt those on Maui have gone and come back already at this hour in the morning (it is not even noon yet) - as a side note, can babies go in the sun? I mean, I guess they can but it seems weird to me.]
Just because something is more expensive does that mean it is actually worth more? At what point does price have nothing to do with value? And how many more purses does Paris Hilton need anyway?
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I leave for Hawaii in 2 days and mindless forwards help pass the time
You don't even want to know what I am actually doing right now. Ok, ok, ok, I'm watching crap television. And filling out these ABCs. Which are also crap. On a side note, Meg Ryan's lips look awful.
A- Attached or Single? single.duh. have you read any other entries in this blog?
B- Best Friend? I don't have a dog (although nor am I a man)
C- Cake or pie? Cake. Home-made or ice cream, please. Or at the Gorge.
D- Day of choice? Thursday
E- Essential Item? Sunglasses. I wear them at night.
F- Favorite Color? Green I guess... but why wonder why
G- Gummy Bears or Worms? Swedish Fish
H- Home town? small town NJ
I- Favorite Indulgence? Getting my house cleaned by someone else
J- January or July? ohhhhhhhhhhhh...depends where in the world I am but in general I think January
K- Kids? That movie's ending still haunts me
L- Life isn't complete without? A good laugh
M- Marriage date? February 29, 2104
N- Number of brothers and sisters? 2 bros, no hos
O- Oranges or Apples? Orange. Or Maroon.
P- Phobia and fears? Fear of smelling bad. Or having to be near someone else who does.
Q- Quote? 'Made sense at the time'
R- Reason to smile? it's April Fools Day!
S- Season of choice? Paprika
T- Tummy, Back, or Side sleeper? Tummy
U- Unknown fact about me? Well then it wouldn't be unknown, now would it?
V-Vegetable? orange or red peppers
W- Worst habit? biting my lips. People don't seem to mind when I bite theirs.
X-Ray or Ultrasound? x-ray vision
Y- Your favorite food? Pizza - even bad pizza
Z- Zodiac sign? Pisces
Please join me tomorrow night as I accomplish such feats as 'filling out my tax form' and 'packing'
A- Attached or Single? single.duh. have you read any other entries in this blog?
B- Best Friend? I don't have a dog (although nor am I a man)
C- Cake or pie? Cake. Home-made or ice cream, please. Or at the Gorge.
D- Day of choice? Thursday
E- Essential Item? Sunglasses. I wear them at night.
F- Favorite Color? Green I guess... but why wonder why
G- Gummy Bears or Worms? Swedish Fish
H- Home town? small town NJ
I- Favorite Indulgence? Getting my house cleaned by someone else
J- January or July? ohhhhhhhhhhhh...depends where in the world I am but in general I think January
K- Kids? That movie's ending still haunts me
L- Life isn't complete without? A good laugh
M- Marriage date? February 29, 2104
N- Number of brothers and sisters? 2 bros, no hos
O- Oranges or Apples? Orange. Or Maroon.
P- Phobia and fears? Fear of smelling bad. Or having to be near someone else who does.
Q- Quote? 'Made sense at the time'
R- Reason to smile? it's April Fools Day!
S- Season of choice? Paprika
T- Tummy, Back, or Side sleeper? Tummy
U- Unknown fact about me? Well then it wouldn't be unknown, now would it?
V-Vegetable? orange or red peppers
W- Worst habit? biting my lips. People don't seem to mind when I bite theirs.
X-Ray or Ultrasound? x-ray vision
Y- Your favorite food? Pizza - even bad pizza
Z- Zodiac sign? Pisces
Please join me tomorrow night as I accomplish such feats as 'filling out my tax form' and 'packing'
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
